Member-only story
SATIRE
CIA Promises To Get Better At Hiding Government Conspiracies
“We will do a better job of hiding the truth.”
In response to feedback from the President, the CIA recently admitted a necessity to get better at covering up conspiracy theories.
“A lot of controversial things we did in the 20th century ended up being known by the general public. Heck, they’re even available on our website because some idiot in Washington thought it would be funny to use the Freedom Of Information Act to declassify our work.
Moving forward, we will do a better job of hiding the truth. Otherwise, the general public will get mad at us (again) for pushing surveillance state laws and conducting sketchy operations without the knowledge of Congress.”
According to a spokesman, the CIA don’t want people to know about a project called MKUltra. In it, the government secretly tested the effects of LSD on US and Canadian citizens, according to information that is available on the CIA Website.
The government organization also said they don’t want people to know about a public-relations firm that organized congressional testimony that propelled US involvement in the Persian Gulf War, per The New York Times.
