Satire

I Want To Become A Generic Self-Help Writer

I wake up at 5am and meditate. So I’m going to write about it.

Photo by Chandra Putra on Unsplash

If you look up self-improvement in the dictionary, you’ll see my beautiful face. The reason? I’m the perfect example of what can be achieved when you decide to implement positive habits.

I’m the type of guy who will happily pay the extremely low price of $1993 to attend a self-improvement conference to feel motivated. Oh, and I love watching videos on how to hustle and improve my productivity by 1000x.

See, my workspace needs to be a place of unlimited inspiration. It’s a place for me to write self-help articles that will change your life forever. I have a beautiful notepad that enables me to think in a completely different way to everyone else. Also, my friends think I’m the next Picasso because I’m so damn creative.

I’ve also got a really awesome lamp on my desk that helps me to work until the early hours of the morning. Some people might tell me to sleep because it’s important for my health. But I don’t care. Sleep is for the weak.

Let me tell you a little bit about me. I bought my own house at 22 with one easy trick — my parent’s money. I wake up at 5 am and meditate for half an hour. I read 1250 pages per day and refuse to…