Satire
The Leaked Resignation Letter Of Boris Johnson
The former British Prime Minister didn’t say this publicly…
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Good afternoon, everybody. Thank you for listening to my resignation speech. As you would expect, I am furious that I am no longer Prime Minister. It’s a catastrophe. Despite being plagued by one political scandal after another, the Conservative party no longer believes in my impeccable leadership.
It’s a shame.
So, I want to deliver a message to the millions of peasants who voted for us during the 2019 general election: what you did wasn’t good enough.
Too many members of Parliament have revolted against my government. If we had more Conservative MPs in the House of Commons, perhaps I would still be Prime Minister. But alas, I am not.
I have fought so hard to stay in office because I love power. I genuinely enjoy being the leader of a global superpower with nuclear missiles bigger than my hangover from the Downing Street parties. For anyone who wasn’t there due to the national lockdown imposed by my government, it was wonderful.
Hehe.
Of course, I’m immensely proud of the achievements that our great country has accomplished under my government. The European Court of Human Rights recently criticized us for sending unwanted migrants and asylum seekers to Rwanda. We’ve also destroyed our relationship with Europe over the Northern Ireland Protocol due to our incompetence.
Let’s raise our champagne glasses and toast the incredible leadership of Boris Johnson!
“Hip hip! Hooray. Hip hip! Hooray. Hip hip! Hooray.”
I’ve recently tried to tell my colleagues that it would be better for my ego if I stayed in office. You see, I have dreamed of becoming Prime Minister of the United Kingdom since I was a little boy. And like a small child, I will be soon dragged from Downing Street kicking and screaming.
I want to finish by saying there are no disasters, only opportunities. And thus, I will be writing a biography next week to reap the financial benefits of my time in office.
Thank you all very much. Thank you.
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Important Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. It’s satire so please don’t get mad in the comments or take it seriously.
